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Written In Freaking Stone

TLAGM confirms that – yep – WFD because TTWIW...
IN the GOOD OLD DAYS of economic forecasting, by which I mean "way back when I still had hair, my teeth, my hearing, most of my marbles, and computers had been around long enough to be able to spew this stuff out," one had a lot of data to work with, if one was, you know, very interested in developing a fool-proof trading system so as to quickly make an unimaginably gargantuan fortune in the stock/bond/futures/options markets, writes the Mogambo Guru.
Thus enriched, I would finance a new and thoroughly dissolute lifestyle, spending the rest of my life wildly dissipating the whole wonderful wad in a long luxurious trail of glorious gluttony, a staple of sensationalist tabloid journalism ("Local Moron Makes Good!" – The Times).
But first, the data! Employment, incomes, expenses, debts, taxes, assets, liabilities, imports, exports, money supplies, blah, blah, blah. On and on. Data everywhere. Drowning in the stuff.
Now, I grow outraged that all we have is lies. Lies and guesses based on lies. Lies about everything! Everything!
Like the other day, when I asked my wife "Do you still love me as much as you ever did, which is with all your heart, worshipping the ground I walk on, wanting only to be near me and lovingly cater to my every wish?" and then watched, dismayed, as she gave me that usual bored, sideways look, and muttered "Yeah, yeah. Whatever."
Naturally, my mind screams "Lies! Lies!" However, I know better than to actually confront her, exposing her villainous lies and blatant treachery, as she characteristically reacts badly to it, probably launching like a space rocket into something incomprehensibly hysterical and completely tangential, such as "Well, how much could anybody love somebody as lazy and worthless as you, now that you don't have the aforementioned hair, teeth, hearing or a semblance of sanity?"
Or asking, "What in the hell is this $149 charge on the credit card, made at some stupid golf shop?"
Or, "Are you ever, ever, EVER going to shut up about the evil Federal Reserve creating so many excess Dollars and so much debt that We're Freaking Doomed (WFD) to some horrible, lingering catastrophe as a consequence of the Dollar losing buying power, experienced as a raging price inflation that matches the raging monetary inflation?"
In case you were wondering, the answers to her questions are, in order of appearance:
  • Because I am The Lovable And Great Mogambo (TLAGM), earthling female;
  • It was for a pair of golf shoe inserts that were supposed to cure my slice and add ten yards to my drive; and, of course
  • No.
And, as seems so disturbingly typical of the Obama administration, the government issues blatant lies about inflation in prices, too. And you don't have to believe me, because I present Dave Gonigam, writing The 5 Min. Forecast, who reports that:
"The big economic number of the day is inflation – up 0.2% last month, according to the government's consumer price index. Year over year, the index registers no change at all."
With the lightning reflexes of a jungle cat, I instantly howl "Lies! Lies!" Price increases are everywhere!
Soon, I am midway through mentally composing a scathing email to Mr.Gonigam, castigating him for mindlessly regurgitating outrageous government lies, when he unexpectedly went on to reveal that it was a setup, a trap into which I foolishly stepped. You could almost hear the sarcasm in his voice when he went on, saying:
"As always, any resemblance to your own cost of living is purely coincidental. The real-world inflation rate as calculated by John Williams at ShadowStats has hovered near 7.5% all year."
Yikes! 7.5% annual inflation in consumer prices? Yikes! Help! Help! We're freaking doomed indeed! Using the Rule of 72, at this rate, prices will double in 9.6 years! Do you think your income will more than double (allowing for the higher tax brackets) in 9.6 years? Hahaha! Me neither!
So, this is where I would normally try to steer the conversation calmly and rationally into another, more genteel and pleasant direction completely, such as "Hey! What are we having for dinner, where we could discuss buying more gold and silver to protect ourselves against the debasement of the Dollar by the evil Federal Reserve creating so many of them?"
Unfortunately, my brave, heroic efforts to bring civility and cool, clear heads to the discussion were in vain, especially about the horrors of a huge inflation in the money supply, and why it is absolutely crucial to again – again! – cut expenses to the bone – bone! – so that we can buy a tiny bit more – more! – gold and silver.
I remember one time I had accidentally discovered that by taking just one more, tiny, little step down the "quality ladder" when selecting food for the kids, they would actually benefit by consuming better grub by eating "highest-grade animal feed" instead of their usual "lowest-grade human feed."
"It would be a nice change for them!" I said, my mind gleefully whirling at the giddy prospect of another $40 a week to invest in gold and silver, and without inconveniencing myself at all!
In case you want to know, that led to a screaming hissy-fit, detailing what a horrible husband and father I am for neglecting my family because I consider them ravenous parasites who are keeping me from buying even MORE gold and silver, and how I am always yelling at others to buy gold and silver, raving like some demented, paranoid and cynical old man, all because of the aforementioned evil Federal Reserve creating so much excess Dollars and debt that terrifying inflation in consumer prices (ie, food and energy) and a huge, bankrupting, ruinous deflation in asset prices (eg, stocks, bonds and houses) are – if 2,500 years of history are any guide – Written In Freaking Stone (WIFS) guaranteed.
So, with that kind of learning curve, why would I say anything at all now? Why go through all that, when the only adequate answer is for me to saliently point out, in my usual kindly manner, "Hey! Shut up! You knew that BEFORE you married me! So who's the idiot now? Huh? Who? You, that's who! You! Hahaha!"?
But at least some people are trying NOT to lie. For instance, GATA reported that, at a recent gold conference, the subject of governmental manipulation of the gold price was not to be even discussed. It was now taboo because it was, and I quote, "too inflammatory." Too inflammatory! Hahahaha! Too inflammatory!
Now, being a quick study, I say everything is "too inflammatory!" For instance, she wants to know where I was all afternoon? I could reply, "Look at the grass clippings and mud on my pants! Look at the way I am in a very bad mood and complaining about how every putt was a downhill putt! I was playing golf! Where do you THINK I was, ya moron?" But that, for some reason, seems to NEVER be a good enough answer for her. So now I merely say "Too inflammatory!"
And when she asks "Are you taking money out of my purse and squirreling it away until you have enough saved to buy another little bit of gold and silver?", I deftly reply "Too inflammatory!"
And it saves time when I tell people "You're a moron!", and they naturally ask "What do you mean by that?" 
Instead of launching into a long explanation of how they are moronic for NOT buying gold and silver in terrified, paranoid response to an evil Federal Reserve creating so much excess Dollars and debt that an inflationary/deflationary collapse is inevitable because That's The Way It Works (TTWIW) when referring to insanity in monetary policy, I now casually dismiss them with an insouciant wave of my hand, saying, by way of explanation, "Too inflammatory!"
But they know what I mean. Oh, yeah. They know exactly what I mean.
And you do, too. Everybody knows to buy gold and silver, for crying out loud!
And buying gold and silver is so easy (as in "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!") that NOT to do so is to make, as they say, the angels weep.
Much better to buy them, and not do any crying at all. Lots of laughing and having a wonderful time, one day soon. But no crying! Whee!

The angriest guy in economics, the Mogambo Guru is Richard Daughty, general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities. The Mogambo Guru economic newsletter – an avocational exercise to heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it – has been quoted frequently in Barron's, The Daily Reckoning and other fine publications.

See the full archive of Mogambo Guru articles.


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