Gospel of the Mogambo

Gold Investing doesn't require angry, bloodthirsty mobs. But it helps in the Mogambo's world...

THE WAY that federal taxes are going up next year by huge percentages is Very Interesting News (VIN) for gold-bugs like me, and probably the Founding Fathers who wrote the Constitution, too, if they were still alive, gasps the Mighty Mogambo Guru from his bunker in Tampa, Florida, for The Daily Reckoning.

Both the dead guys and me all think that gold-as-money is the "only way to go"...because it absolutely precludes rapid increases in the supply of money, which is important because increases in the money supply cause increases in prices, which is important if you think that paying $1,000 for a loaf of bread is important or if milk costs $2,000 per gallon, and pretty soon the rest of the world is going to wake up to that fact, too.

Note the way the soundtrack has gotten all gloomy and discordant in an ugly, dissonant way, and the dark, dreadful tone to my voice when I dramatically say, "But only after it...is too...(pause)...late."

But with the soundtrack changing to happy sounds of birds chirping and children laughing, it also means soaring demand for Gold Bullion, silver and oil, with their prices and all prices rising astronomically along with all other prices, and all my problems will then be fixed because I will have so much gold, silver and oil, worth So Freaking Much (SFM) money that I can buy anybody off, or hire enough lawyers and goons to scare anybody away!

Whee!

I shall refer to it as the Golden Age of the Mogambo (GAOTM), with round-the-clock security people intercepting visitors and intruders alike by saying "None shall pass!" as did the Black Knight in the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which apparently worked for a long time before King Arthur arrived on the scene.

I see that I have gotten off the subject, which was why we gold bugs are delighted with inflation, which is because the investment playing-field has now been leveled, as the profits from Gold Investing (classified by the IRS as a "collectible") are taxed at 28%, whereas now ordinary income is taxed at 28%, too, I guess!

To spread the word about how Buying Gold, silver and oil now are such sure-fire winners, I was taking a more proactive stance in my mission to save this planet, and recruiting volunteers to spread the Gospel of the Mogambo (GOTM), hopefully leading to an educated citizenry who will demand a return to a Gold Standard as the money regime, and who will rise up in angry, bloodthirsty mobs to kill anyone who says differently.

The essence of my latest terrific Mogambo Plan to Educate Earthling Morons (MPTEEM)) was simplicity itself; when you are in a store buying something, and the cashier gives you your receipt and change, instead of saying something lame like you usually say, like "Thank you" or "Up yours, too!" instead smile and say:

"Goodbye forever, chump! You are doomed because the demonic Federal Reserve is creating So Freaking Much (SFM) money so that the cancerous federal government can spend the aforesaid SFM money that it will finally bankrupt America with an inflation in prices that will make you beg for mercy or a quick death, and this place will shut down, and you will be out of a job, and you and everyone you love will starve to death in bitter agony because prices keep going up and up, and you will be living in the gutter, eating filth, while I have this $3.37 in change, right now, right here in my hand, which I can immediately turn into more gold and silver, albeit not much, and thus not only avoid your dismal fate, but, instead, prosper as a result!"

Well, initial results of this fabulous new plan were bad, as saying the, "Goodbye forever, chump!" speech was, as it turned out, an untimely choice since my forecast of doom did not arrive sooner than my need for more groceries arrived, and thus necessitating another trip back to the grocery store, where I had to endure everyone saying, "Goodbye forever, chump!" and laughing at me.

I soon went back to researching ways to raise the dead and turn them into my Mogambo Army of the Night (MAOTN) to take, you know, revenge on them all, but it was slow going since it isn't easy to reanimate dead people, regardless of what you see in the movies.

Being a naturally lazy guy who always looks for the easy way out – and who dreams of wealth without working – I am soon back to feverishly Buying Gold, silver and oil in response to the fiscal and monetary insanity of Washington, DC because, with fiscal and monetary insanity like this, "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"

Buy gold on $3 spreads – without an army of the undead – and store it securely for $4 per month in Zurich, Switzerland by using Bullion Vault...