Four exclamation points?! Yikes...!
ALAS, all my dreams of achieving immortality through my Staggering Mogambo Brilliance (SMB) in economics are turning to bitter dust, writes the Mogambo Guru, reporting once more from inside his bunker.
This is probably because I am not very bright and have never had an original thought in my whole life. For the record, though, I am officially blaming this outrage on everybody but me.
Yet, in my deep despair, I can still delight in childishly upstaging real geniuses, like Albert Einstein, who said something to the effect that compound interest was a miracle.
Here is where I haughtily say, with a delicious hint of condescending disdain in my voice:
"Einstein? Ha! What does a theoretical physicist know about economics? If he was so smart, he would have known that the biggest miracle is a fiat currency! Taa daa! Who's your daddy now, chump?"
I breezily say this, like I toss off stellar bon mots like this all the time, is because to acquire wealth through compound interest, like Einstein says, unfortunately takes a long, long time.
Too long, in fact. All during this protracted period of your Hobbesian nasty, brutish and short life, you are busily squirreling away every dime you can get your grubby hands on, feverishly buying gold and silver because those are the only two classical hedges against rampant monetary insanity, every day being scared out of your mind about the horrible outcome of Federal Reserve monetary lunacy started by the demonic Alan Greenspan, and then thrown into high gear by Ben Bernanke, and now Janet Yellen.
Alas, you are not lauded as a hero by your adoring family for your wise reaction to the Federal Reserve blithely creating dangerous scads of cash and credit, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, decade after unbelievable freaking decade. And is now actually acquiring common assets, committing the ultimate monetary sin!!!!
Four exclamation points! Yikes!
Instead, you have, as your reward, to listen Every Freaking Day (EFD) to your family constantly whining "Please, daddy! Spend money on us! We need food and clothing and urgent medical attention!"
So, trust me when I say that Einstein's "miracle" of compound interest, then, comes bundled with the constant irritation of complaining malcontents, spending most of their time plotting against you (and probably robbing you of fame for your Staggering Mogambo Brilliance (SMB)!) which, you have to agree, is NOT a customary part of your everyday, genuine miracles.
But with a fiat currency? Now, THAT'S a miracle! You can have unimagined wealth, instantly, and totally pain-free!
And more, wonderfully more, more, more! Anytime you want it!
Well, rudely wresting your attention away from degenerate daydreams involving the forbidden delights afforded by instant wealth, thanks to the evil Federal Reserve, banks and governments gorging themselves on an abused fiat currency, I bring this up because of the Founding Fathers, Einstein and Janet Yellen (chairwoman of the evil Federal Reserve.)
The Founding Fathers were, of course, Thomas Jefferson and the rest of the smart guys who wrote the Constitution of the United States.
As an aside, they could have saved a lot of time if they had looked at the Mogambo Scrolls Of Cosmic Truisms (MSOCT), there to find such pearls of wisdom as "It's about the money, jerks. Everything is ALWAYS about the money. So make money from gold and/or silver, which makes control of the growth of the money supply easier, which makes controlling price inflation easier, and makes it harder for the greedy, corrupt banks to screw things up, although they always end up doing it anyway. It's always the banks, ya morons!"
Another little-known historical fact is that this exact quote would have, believe it or not, actually been IN the Constitution, except that I wasn't even born for another 170 years, and none of these hotshots wanted to wait, which shows what bunch of impatient, preening hotheads these Founding Fathers actually were.
The good news is that, even without me helping them along, they got the requirement that only gold and silver could be money into the Constitution, so as to limit the money supply, so as to limit inflation in prices, so as to prevent the destruction of the economy because the people can't afford to buy anything, where it (believe it or not!) sits to this day.
Unfortunately, the demonic Franklin Delano Roosevelt found himself in the economic depression that he and Keynesian madness insured. What he desperately wanted was an expanded money supply, so as to "buy prosperity."
So he extorted compliance from the Supreme Court to allow money to be, not gold and silver per the Constitution, but paper. And every Supreme Court since 1937 has upheld this treasonous decision at every challenge.
Now, here is where it gets interesting, as even I have to admit I've been rambling more than usual, and things have been a boring snooze so far.
So, it doesn't take someone with ESP to know that you are thinking "I am sooOOOoo bored! To perhaps pique my interest and keep me from switching to another channel, Mister Smarty-Pants Mogambo (MSPM), tell me what can I, and I'm talking me personally and yours truly, can do with this information to quickly make a humongous butt-load of money, with minimal investment, and zero risk?"
I'm glad you asked, because it bring us back to miracle of un-Constitutional fiat currency that can be created, in any amount, at will, by any lowlife central bank stupid enough to do it.
This brings us to Janet Yellen. As a lifelong critic of the evil Federal Reserve and a pesky blowhard about the treacherous Keynesian lowlifes who infest it, I am surprised, as you surely are, to find myself agreeing with Janet Yellen when she said that we have learned a lot about monetary policy.
The main thing we learned, as far as monetary policy is concerned, is that that no matter how many hundreds of millions people we graduate from high schools, colleges and universities across the nation, smugly erecting expensive bastions of expensive education from sea to shining sea, amber fields of grain and all, nobody is going to raise a peep about this suicidal, bizarre bastardization of Keynesian economics, a monstrous monetary death-cult that preaches "More money and debt for everyone! Everywhere! All the time!"
Except for gold and silver, of course. All the world's central banks, and the criminal International Monetary Fund, have admitted to actively suppressing the prices of gold and silver to keep you from investing in these "dead assets" to instead force you to invest in "productive assets" like stocks, bonds and houses.
To underscore the illegality of this, scores of their henchmen have been forced to admit their crimes and have been convicted by the very governments that have thus far turned a blind eye to it, which shows how surreal it all is.
And with the government already buying houses and debt, and now, and now, and now, AND FREAKING NOW (AFD) buying common equities, it is but child's play for the Fed and the government to create enough cash and credit to stave off any market downturn, anywhere, in anything, by simply buying the things that are going down in price.
Thus, with a guarantee of always having more buyers than sellers, we can reasonably expect no more real, lasting crises for the Rest Of Our Lives (ROOL) as measured by the prices of assets; they can always be made to go up. Seemingly.
I figure that this is probably measured in a couple of years or decades, tops, which will be about how long it will take until the hyperinflation in the prices of goods and services outstrips the government's/Fed's abilities to create enough hyper-inflating fiat Dollars and get them pounded into the economy to pay the old prices, which makes prices go up even more, which will call for the evil Federal Reserve to create more fiat currency and buy more assets, going around and around and around.
To the central banks, it's a fabled "And they lived happily ever after" economic expansion lasting, yea, even unto the sun going supernova a few billion years from now, exploding in a sudden fiery flamethrower of fate, instantly burning the Earth and the solar system to a cinder, but wiping debts clean and giving everyone a chance to "start over."
So, as another of my famous last-gasp attempts for ill-deserved fame, let me be the first to declare, right here and right now, that the laws of economics are (drum roll, please) dead. They drowned in an inexhaustible flood of money.
Nothing matters now except that, thanks to the evil Federal Reserve and the rest of the world's central banks sinking to the lowest levels of Dante's hell by creating evermore money and credit to buy assets and thus buoy markets, there will always be more buyers than sellers, and that prices will, on average, always go up.
The reason? To keep all those trillions of Dollars in retirement assets and investment assets, all invested in stocks, bonds and housing, from losing most of their current market value, wiping everybody out and completely ruining your weekend and everything.
Well, that is, until the miracle of fiat money is made impossible by some tipping point during hyperinflation.
The good news, and the part that is bound to finally make me famous, is that "Whee! This investing stuff is easy! Buy gold and silver, as suppression schemes never work in the long run, and a lot of this new magical fiat money will get into the hands of people who are smart enough to say 'Hey! That Mogambo idiot was right! These assets markets are insanely overpriced! I gotta buy gold and silver!', and who will do so in such overwhelming numbers as to make further suppression impossible!"
The only bad news concerns, of course, timing. Who will actually benefit when gold and silver prices explode to real, market-clearing prices? You or your heirs?
Let's hope it's you! And me! Whee!